If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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