help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
