Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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