My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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