Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize