I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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