my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
