upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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