I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
