BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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