Me too!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize