just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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