I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
