You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Houston, we have a blender
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
