Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
