he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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