Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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