Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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