I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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