Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize