Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Vodka?
Forever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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