Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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