I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
