I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
