It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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