I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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