I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
