I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Drunk is not a location!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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