Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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