hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
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