so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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