I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
