Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
