She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
