Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
