Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
