We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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