I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We are all done wearing pants today
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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