in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
