the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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