I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
