i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
