2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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