if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
