We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
