I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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