4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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