and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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