thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
