I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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