I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
