I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
