I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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