We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
