Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
