Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
