Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
