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I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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