By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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