i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
