i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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