i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
