why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
