Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
