Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
