if i can run in heels then i can drive
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
