I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
