im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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