Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
