Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
